I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
