you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
