just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
