I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I will be naked everywhere
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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