AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
