apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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