So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
