I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Bring me that man meat
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
