I just gift wrapped bread.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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