it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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