paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
