Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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