i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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