it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
