You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
