Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
