I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
