Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
