Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
