Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
