I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
