I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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