Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
