My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
