the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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