The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
