I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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