Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
