I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
