Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You're like the curious george of whores
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
