I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
