watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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