It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
