I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
