this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
So. Much. Porn.
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