I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
