oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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