I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
