real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
dude i'm inner monologue high
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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