I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
