you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
