Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
