You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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