My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
