I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
