She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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