so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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