I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
