well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Randomize
