This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She told me I should be a condom model.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
