therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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