Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
